A study conducted in the United States over 14 years shows that married people are happier. Psychologists explain the research results by the fact that man is a social animal who wants to share everything that happens to him, positive or negative.
Communication is the basic rule of any relationship Photo: Archive
Married people are much happier than those in any other type of relationship, according to a Gallup poll cited by CNN.
The research was done over 14 years, from 2009 to 2023, during which more than 2.5 million adults in the United States were asked how they would rate their current life, with zero being the worst possible rating and 10 being the best bigger. The results showed that married people consistently reported higher levels of happiness than unmarried people, ranging from 12% to 24% higher depending on the year. While factors such as education, race, age or gender are important, marriage mattered more in terms of happiness, the report found. That's because we are “social animals. And as Aristotle said, we are connected to connect“, says Bradford Wilcox, professor of sociology and director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, who reviewed and edited the Gallup Poll research.
Even though education is a strong predictor of happiness, the data showed that married adults who did not attend high school rate their lives more favorably than unmarried adults with a college degree.
“There is no unhappiness in two”
Psychologist Mariana Mihalache explained to “Adevărul” that married people can be happier for the simple reason that “man is a sociable and social animal, and everything that happens to us, positive or negative, we share with someone“. “Moreover, a relationship makes us responsible, each person in the relationship feels important, useful for the other, and thus we are more motivated“, said the psychologist.
On the other hand, the expert emphasizes, marriage is not a condition without which we cannot be happy. “You're never happier in a broken relationship than you are alone. In a relationship, if there is no satisfaction, there is no point“, added Mariana Mihalache.
More selective in choosing a partner
The way we choose our partner has changed over time, along with society. “The criteria are different and perhaps we are more selective, more attentive to details, even if certain instinctual parts remain there. After all, a woman who gets married wants stability, and a man wants to carry on the gene. This has been happening since humans first appeared, and it makes sense because we as human beings satisfy certain needs. But now the criteria have evolved, the more criteria there are and the more they are fulfilled by the partner, the happier we will be in a relationship for sure“, says psychologist Mariana Mihalache.
Especially young people are the ones who choose their partners more carefully, which is also the reason why they postpone the decision to get married, says psychologist Keren Rosner. “They have an unconscious fear of engaging in this commitment of marriage. Because it represents an act of responsibility, it will not radically change the relationship, but it gives a certainty that the other has made the commitment, is responsible, and officially wants it in front of others“, the psychologist explains.
Even if it seems pragmatic, the fact that we marry compatible partners, who are our friends and who share the same values as us, makes us happier. Romantic, passionate marriages are set aside for lasting relationships between partners. “That fire of the first meetings diminishes over time, it is good to choose partners with whom we have points, common skills. If the partners are at extremes, it will be difficult to maintain the relationship in the long term“, adds psychologist Mariana Mihalache.
The rule for healthy and happy relationships
Communication is the basic rule of any relationship, and when we are not paying attention to the person next to us, the connection degrades over time.
“It is important to be honest in your relationships and communicate openly with those around you. Listen carefully and speak respectfully, without judging or criticizing, this way you will succeed in creating a space of trust“, advises Mirela Husaru, certified counselor in emotional development.
However, many of us can only have the impression that we have an active dialogue, says Mariana Mihalache. “There is passive communication, which is the most widespread and which does not really help us, rather it deceives us, it seems to us that we are talking, but that is not what is happening. If we are going to communicate actively, we must have a very clear message, our mental and emotional attitude is very stable, we call things by their names and make sure that we do not offend, hurt, invalidate the person in front of us and also make sure that the person in our face actively listens to us. That means I'm not talking/listening and looking at the walls, a book, the phone or TV, or doing something else during this time. We don't speak fast or slurred. If we listen, we try not to interrupt the speaker. We maintain eye contact when we speak. We do nothing else when we have something important to communicate“, she explains.
For her part, Mirela Husaru, who follows the Compassionate Inguiry training program, supported by Gabor Mate, tells us that “understanding and empathy are the keys to a harmonious relationship“. “Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and show compassion and understanding. Be tolerant and flexible: everyone has their own opinions, beliefs and ways of acting. Be open to different perspectives and try to be flexible in your relationships. Moreover, respecting others' personal space and boundaries is essential for a healthy relationship. Don't insist or force things and give others the space they need. Give recognition and appreciation to those around you for the good things they do. A kind word or small gesture of gratitude can do wonders in a relationship“, she advises us.
Compromises are also essential in a relationship, and psychologist Mariana Mihalache believes that “it's OK to make compromises that we can support, accept and tolerate“.
Moreover, we should know ourselves very well and how tolerant we are to frustration, but also not to be influenced by the people around us, in order to have a happy relationship, says the psychologist.
“A couple that endures is a couple that respects each other. In a couple there are three entities: a he, a she, and the couple itself. If we do not respect each of the three entities, that is, first of all ourselves, the relationship will not last. First of all, we must take care of ourselves, if we are not satisfied, happy, healthy, the other cannot be happy. It's not OK to give up a lot, even though it may seem selfish when we don't give up. This is a behavior that the partner learns, if I am not a little selfish, I cannot be an effective person and have a healthy relationship, I will teach the other that I can sacrifice myself, that I can come second“, concludes Mariana Mihalache.
