Numerous Romanians have tried to explain through their own life experiences why they broke, over time, the ties they had with their parents, now forced to live their old age in solitude, far from those they raised.
There are fewer and fewer young families in Romanian villages. Photo: Daniel Guță. TRUTH
Many villages in Romania have a majority population of elderly people, and some of them lead their lives in solitude. They are rarely visited by relatives who grew up in the same places, settled in the meantime in more economically developed localities or left for the West.
For some elderly people, the holidays spent alone, far from their loved ones, are a difficult time. On social media, many people offered their own explanations for the question “why are there so many old people abandoned by children”, put by a Romanian.
Villages – the refuge of many lonely elderly people
“The phenomenon happens especially in Romanian villages, but there are enough abandoned old people in the city as well and no one wants to see them anymore. It is also known that today’s youth are unable to find a job or buy a home and therefore stay with their parents late and very late. However, why is it that when they go to work, in the country or abroad, they run away as if shot and never return to those with whom they stayed for so many years?”, the Reddit user asks.
The elderly must understand that their children, who have become adults, then maybe married and have children, have their own life, which has priority over them, a Romanian believes.
“I live a few hundred kilometers from my parents, but when they need more help, I will not move my whole life near them, but they have to make some concessions for the help they will receive. I talked to them, I told them they can move near me, I pay the rent or I can find them a good shelter, I pay the difference in addition to their pension, I can hire someone to take care of them, but my priority will be the wife and children. I’m not going to move in next to them to take care of them every day”says a Romanian.
Another is even harsher in a comment.
“I want to remind you that even bad, stupid, violent, mean-spirited, abusive people, etc. reach old age. Not all old people are gentle angels, sent by God to make sweet days for their children and grandchildren and to sanctify the earth they walk on”he says.
Parents should think about old age in time and not want to become burdens for their children, is the opinion of another internet user, while another Romanian complains that the elderly in Romania, even with pensions of over 5,000 lei, they don’t want to go to the asylum. Another commentator believes that Romanians do not value their parents because they have been abused by them.
“Many have abused their children all their lives, even in adulthood, but they want them to be their caretakers in their old age, because that’s what they were made for. They forbid the children to make their own family and force them to stay with them, so that they have someone, so that they are not alone. And then it’s normal that you run away as far as you can see and never come back, because no human being wants to be a life partner for their own parent. Or fathers who abandoned their daughters to chase after women all their lives and only in old age look for their daughters because they are no longer successful with women and there is no one to make soup for them. And there are also alcoholics on top of that”he complains.
The elderly are difficult to change in the relationship with the young
Other Romanians express themselves, in the comments, that they are not satisfied that they did not receive the inheritance that they expected, so that they do not feel obliged to visit their parents either.
“My parents gave my brother papers because he is a boy. They didn’t even notify me either, I found out from a cousin. For now they are in power, but no matter what happens, I don’t want anything to do with any of them ever.”writes a young woman.
Another young man says his 86-year-old grandmother is a difficult person who his parents could not persuade to move closer to them, selling their country estate to live in a studio in city.
“Grandma wants my mother to move with her, to her house. Obviously that’s not possible. My mother has a job with us in the city, there is no problem with her moving in with her grandmother. Basically, she wants mom to give up her life and become grandma’s nanny. However, the mother does everything she can for her. Is my grandmother an abandoned old woman?”, the young man asks.
The elderly do not want to leave their households where they live alone, fearing that someone will steal their wealth, another netizen believes.
“We wonder why today’s generations are materialistic, but the previous ones seem much more materialistic to me,” believe this one.
They accuse their parents of causing them trauma
Other Romanians complain that they cannot forget the traumas suffered in their childhood and that is why they visit their parents less and less. Another netizen says that out of the group of friends he had as a child, he is the only one who still has decent connections with both parents.
“The first doesn’t keep in touch with his parents at all, because of childhood traumas: arguments, beatings, punishments. The second only keeps in touch with his mother, but he is out of the country and sees her once a year. The third is forced to support his mother, who has no income, because she has never worked all her life. Man curses his days. His father took his insole, he left the country a long time ago. The fourth only has his mother left, from whom he was almost completely estranged when she remarried. Of us, only I reached the maturity to have a good relationship with my parents. So one out of five. This may explain why there are so many old people that no one swallows anymore.” says the man.
Romanians have children as a form of investment in old age, believes another young man. “They are then told: I sacrificed my whole life to raise you”he says.
Many elderly people who are in good relations with their children are no longer able to adapt to the child who has become an adult because of the huge cultural difference between the generations, another Romanian believes.
“99 percent of children who are raised well will want to help their parents in some way and will take an interest in them. Very few people abandon their parents willingly, for no particular reason. Behind an abandoned old man can often hide an abused child”another young man thinks.
A man is of the opinion that Romanians’ grandparents and parents left a legacy in a country where people can no longer afford to take care of their entire family.
“Past generations and even those who are 50-60 years old now did not prepare for old age at all. They spent all the money in barbarism, saving absolutely nothing or not at all, preferring to limit themselves to what the fence allows. It’s normal for the offspring to say to themselves: well… now they’re eating the fence. Many do not have financial resources, because they have worked undeclared or have been unemployed for many years”he thinks.
Another internet user believes that many Romanians have decided to go permanently to the West, where they have a new life and new responsibilities, so they no longer realize how serious the situation is in which their almost forgotten parents find themselves.
“My grandmother is surrounded by people who want to be with her. Children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters, neighbors. But she rejects them all. He never calls anyone. She doesn’t leave the house when called. And when I talk to her on the phone, she complains that she is alone and that no one is helping her”he says.
