The line between romantic love and close friendship is thinner than we think. Beyond sex or labels, what keeps people close is how they support, listen, and stay present in each other’s lives.
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“As a couple and family therapist, I find it fascinating how platonic relationships can achieve levels of intimacy, support, and commitment almost identical to romantic ones. And yet many people remain surprised or even skeptical of the idea.” explains for “Adevărul”, Denisa Zdrobiș, family, couple and child systemic psychotherapist.
She believes that fairy tales, movies and more recently social media have taught us that true love must be passionate, exclusive and complete. The “real” partner is the one who fulfills all our needs: emotional, physical, social, spiritual, adds the psychotherapist.
According to his words, in Romania, this ideal is also doubled by a strong traditional and religious heritage, in which the family and the couple are considered the pillars of moral stability. “In such a context, deep friendships of the opposite sex can be viewed with suspicion, not because there is anything wrong with them, but because they call into question a boundary that society has learned to protect: the exclusivity of intimacy“, she explains.
In his opinion, in reality, a mature and healthy couple relationship needs three interdependent pillars: intimacy, friendship and commitment. Intimacy is much more than sex; it’s the space of vulnerability, trust and emotional closeness. Friendship brings support, humor and understanding. More precisely, commitment provides stability and direction, it is the conscious decision to build together, even in difficult moments.
“What we call ‘normality’ as a couple, how often we have sex, how much tenderness we have, how much time we spend together, is a deeply personal matter. There is no one-size-fits-all recipe, just what works for both of us. It is important that these needs are discussed openly and negotiated gently, without comparison or outside pressure”is the opinion of Denisa Zdrobiș, family, couple and child systemic psychotherapist.
Equally important is looking at relationships through the lens of life stages. In the beginning, passion and sexual desire can be the dominant force, explains the psychologist. As children, stress, fatigue or career worries come along, the focus naturally shifts to friendship and commitment, to the team that must function day-to-day, she says. “This does not mean that the passion disappears, but only that it enters a different rhythm. And if these changes are discussed and assumed, they do not become a rupture, but a healthy adaptation to reality.”
The fluidity of relationships is natural. A friendship can turn into love, just as a relationship that started with physical attraction can turn into a deep friendship over time. We often see this in elderly couples, where sexuality may decrease, but another form of closeness increases: tenderness, care, complicity.
“One of the most delicate themes, however, remains emotional betrayal. Many people feel hurt not only when their partner has a physical affair, but when they discover that he or she has shared deep thoughts, emotions, vulnerabilities with someone else. And this pain is perfectly justified. In a couple, emotional intimacy is like a secret room built for two. When that room is open to another person, even without physical contact, there’s a real rift.” supports Denisa Zdrobiș.
According to his statements, this form of betrayal does not mean only jealousy, but the loss of a sense of security: the partner feels that he is no longer chosen as the main witness of the inner life of the other. Hence the fear that the relationship is falling apart, often without knowing exactly why.
“Many seek solace elsewhere, convinced that ‘the grass is greener in the neighbor’s yard.’ The person who listens to us without reproach, who seems to understand us perfectly, becomes the emotional refuge. But, most of the time, it’s not about a new love, but about an old emptiness. The void in the couple, or maybe even inside us. And if we don’t understand where the lack comes from, we will repeat the same pattern with the next partner“, she says.
Therefore, he believes that couples therapy should not be the last resort, but a form of prevention. “It’s the place where we can talk about these dynamics before they become ruptures. Where we learn to know our emotional baggage: fears, beliefs, automatic reactions and understand how each of us contributes to the dance of the relationship. Therapy is not about ‘fixing’ a broken relationship, but about making it conscious, alive and authentic. Because beyond the labels: romantic, platonic, passionate, love is, in essence, a living process. It transforms, adjusts, breathes with us. And what keeps her going is not perfection, but the daily care to stay connected, even when it seems easier to run away”she concludes.
The psychotherapist’s claims are also supported by recent research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, which shows that the boundaries between romantic and platonic relationships are much more fluid than we think. The study, by Sari van Anders and Ana Carolina de Barros, shows that people still use cultural norms to define what a “real” relationship is, even when their intimate experiences no longer fit these patterns. In other words, exactly as Denisa Zdrobiș explains, love can no longer be reduced to physical attraction, but includes friendship, vulnerability and commitment – the pillars that support a mature relationship.
The psychotherapist’s conclusions are also supported by a recent research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, signed by Sari van Anders, Ana Carolina de Barros and Emily RL Lackie. The study, titled “Sex, Attraction, and Social Norms: Distinguishing Romantic and Non-Romantic Relationships in Non-Sexual Contexts,” looked at how people define intimacy in relationships that do not involve attraction or sexual behavior.
The researchers interviewed 30 people in Canada and the United States who were either in non-sexual romantic relationships or extremely close friendships lasting at least two years. The results show that many of these relationships, although different in label, share the same fundamentals: vulnerability, emotional support, interdependence, and commitment. In some cases, participants described platonic bonds that were even deeper and more stable than their romantic relationships.
The authors note that although people tend to define romantic love by attraction and exclusivity, in reality the criteria that matter are intimacy and constant presence. Many respondents acknowledged that differences between relationship types are dictated by cultural norms and social expectations rather than their authentic experiences.
In other words, science is reaching the same conclusion as psychotherapy: the line between love and friendship is not a fixed line, but a spectrum of human connection—one that rewrites itself as we learn to be close to one another.
The line between romantic love and deep friendship is much more fluid than we’ve been taught to believe. In a world that idealizes passion and exclusivity, more and more experts are showing that true intimacy is built through friendship, vulnerability, and commitment, regardless of the label of the relationship.
