Two weeks of school have already passed, and the teachers will soon start putting the first grades in the catalogs. Moment in which we will witness at least two of the phenomena that characterize our education system: the hunt for grades and the reward of parents who will reward their children’s performance in school with gifts or money.
What do the specialists say about the material reward of forced students. Photo: 123 RF
How healthy is this parental practice of rewarding children based on school performance? What is the limit – if any – beyond which this habit becomes harmful to children? What pattern of behavior does a “bribed” student develop as an adult? All these questions were answered by the psychologist Keren Rosner, who also raises a big alarm signal: the process of conditional learning has nothing to do with the process of education. And at the end of the 12 years of school we will find ourselves in front of “robots” who have memorized various terms and notions, but which, in reality, they do not understand and will never understand.
The learning process, a responsibility, not a barter
“Many parents believe that it is the student’s duty to learn and do well, and this should not be rewarded. The child must learn for himself, not for his parents, for money or for gifts. But there are others who are of the opinion that an impulse, an extra motivation never hurts, especially if the final results are the expected ones”psychologist Keren Rosner told the Truth. We are talking, therefore, about a decision that remains at the discretion of the parents, but with different effects as far as the children are concerned. “If the reward is frequent, and every grade of 10 comes as a package, from the family, with gifts, money, surprises of all kinds, the child will mistakenly believe that the learning process, his education after all, requires something in exchange: I learn if you give it to me, learn if you buy me… I’ll take the Baccalaureate if”.
But neither the parents nor the children realize that, in fact, they are stealing their own hats, says the psychologist. “The child must learn for himself, not for his parents or according to the promises made to him”says the psychologist. The student will practically never understand that learning is a responsibility, not a bargain made with mom or dad. “On the other hand, if the reward is exaggerated, the child will grow up with the idea that everything is due to him, including the financial efforts of the parents will be seen as normal, natural”. the specialist also specified.
The difference between contingent and appreciative reward
Keren Rosner believes that we could be sliding down a very dangerous slope, namely note hunting, a phenomenon that is not, by the way, at all unknown: “If you take note 10I buy you a phone, buy you a new tablet, give you money, send you on vacation with friends, etc. It is normal for the student to start running after grades, to shoot them on the go with the thought of reward. And then, because he was actually not interested in the process of education itself, he forgot everything he had accumulated”.
But, the psychologist points out, there are two types of reward: “There are certain gifts that are conditional, on principle I buy you something you want if you also bring me a grade of 10 and the gifts offered as recognition of the effort made by the child at school. Surprise him with joy and pride, being a student, of his achievements. Let’s not make the confusion. Many times, the parent says if you study, I’ll give you a phone, buy you a bike, etc. And then the child makes efforts to get what he wants. And that’s it. But if the student has good results at school, and the parent rewards him, but not conditionally, it is completely different”.
The parents’ gesture is, rather, a validation of the efforts the child has made at school. cThe word “deserve” captures deep connotations in the student’s soul, because he obtained from his mother or father more than an object: he obtained gratitude, admiration, pride. “So gifts can be good if you know how to give them“, the psychologist also specified.
A child “bribed” to learn will become an adult with totally erroneous principles of life: “The adult of tomorrow will expect reward for absolutely everything he does. He will always expect something in return and will not get it every time. Selfishness develops in his case, which brings with it corresponding consequences. And when he enters the field of work, such an individual could have a shock”, warns Keren Rosner.
Such a person will have unrealistic demands and will always expect something in return, explains the psychologist: “These people are not motivated to put in the effort if the reward is not what they want. They become apathetic, jaded, not in the mood for work, disengaged, not performing at work. They don’t know how to persevere, make sacrifices, they are in too much of a hurry, they ask for everything at once, they don’t offer anything in return but they have very high demands. And it’s not their fault because that’s how they learned from the family that things work”.
From cookies, to tablets and mobile phones
“When I won the first prize with a crown, I went to the confectionery with my mother and she bought me a cake. You can see that I did not study for that reward, but the joy was very great. But that was in my time. Now, parents buy not candy, not cookies, but the latest mobile phones and tablets, all kinds of gadgets, business clothes, even cars after graduating from the Baccalaureate. It doesn’t matter that the student got grade 6 and barely passed. Good thing it’s over”Miruna Alexandru, the mother of a first-grade student, told Adevărul.
“I don’t think it’s ok to ‘bribe’ your child to learn. You are doing him a great disservice. He doesn’t have to learn to get something in return, nor should he learn for grades but for himself. But the school has become a competition, a racetrack on which children run, compete to be the first. It doesn’t matter what you really know, but the grades in the notebook that often come with prizes from the parents. And at the end, when you draw the line, the child leaves school a robot who has learned by heart some notions and some terms that he will forget at the first opportunity”. says the mother.
“It’s not the promise of a reward that counts, but the reward you give the child”
Cătălin Nan, president of the Federation of Parents, believes that it is not the idea of giving a gift to the child that is harmful, but rather what you buy the child: “It all depends on the internal psychology of the family, on parenting. I remember how happy I was in the first grade when my parents told me that if I won a crown they would buy me a Pegasus bicycle. Well, I worked all year for it and it didn’t hurt me at all. Today, however, in age of technology there are parents who promise gadgets and practically contribute to the addiction of young people to the Internet, to social networks. Then there are parents who exaggerate, take everything to the extreme. They push the children in this rush for grades and the top, they are also the ones who support the meditations”, the president of the parents also specified.
