Every year, with the approach of March 8, the same debate returns in schools and kindergartens in Romania: what gifts should teachers and educators receive from students and parents? Symbolic or substantial gifts? In some situations, the practice has become a tacit competition of increasingly expensive gifts, raising questions about boundaries and ethics.
How much is too much?
Traditionally, women are celebrated on March 8. And teachers are no exception. If initially the day was marked by simple gestures, such as flowers, cards made by children or sweets, in recent years symbolic gifts have been replaced by more expensive options: from vouchers to money in envelopes.
“At Giurgiu, 100 lei are put per child, and the collected money is given in an envelope, like this: 100 lei to the caretaker, 200 lei to the English teacher, 200 lei to the dance teacher, and the rest of the money – in an envelope to the educator. No flowers are bought at any of them, because they said that <
“We ended up with gold jewelry, at the end of the year he had the whole set”said another.
Sociologists speak of a phenomenon of “normalization of excess”: when an expensive gift appears in a classroom, it tends to become the standard for years to come.
There are also parents who complain that large sums have started to be collected even at private kindergartens, where they pay a lot of money for the monthly fee anyway:
“I finally gave up because I didn’t want the little girl to be left out. (…) To we get along: I totally agree for token attention”one woman wrote.
Moreover, it is not the act of giving that causes controversy, but the amounts raised:
“No one is poor, but when you have two educators plus a caregiver, the amount is already very high, when we are talking about expensive gifts”;
“I don’t agree with expensive gifts. Luckily for us, we ran into two ladies who asked us not to take more than a card and a chocolate, because they would feel embarrassed. Now, on the 1st and 8th, we take them each a brooch and a bouquet of flowers”;
“I agree with attention up to a point. If it comes down to a flower arrangement or something modest, there’s nothing against it. I also like to receive attention from my collaborators; there’s nothing wrong with showing that you’re thinking about and appreciating their effort. I do not agree, however, with the hundreds of lei collected and with the opulence on the parents’ money”.
How to get out of the “spiral of silence”
Decisions are made on parents’ WhatsApp groups, most of the time. Voluntary contribution can quickly become an implicit pressure, especially for families with lower incomes or more children.
Because of the fear of going out “out of line” many are afraid to share opposing views to what the majority of the group seems to want. Sometimes, however, there can be surprises:
“Everything up to expensive gifts. We have a mother in the group who starts all the discussions, it’s March 8, it’s Mother’s Day, it’s Christmas, I don’t know what. He offers large sums, then she deals with the purchase. At first I didn’t say anything, but over time it seemed to me that they were getting a bit tight and I always proposed to reduce the amount a lot. Whatever you see, the whole group agreed, only they didn’t have the courage to say anything. So we’re down to flowers and candy.” shared a mother.
The message of an educator
Also on the Facebook group, an educator wrote, anonymously, a message about gifts that received hundreds of likes.
“March 8 is coming soon. The mothers are already starting to stir in all the groups <
I want to tell you a few things. We have a salary, yes. Do you know how much of your salary is spent monthly on teaching materials, xerox, cardboard, etc.? I don’t do the math I’m terrified. When I go to a store, if I have a choice between a toy for my child and materials for the classroom, I always choose the materials for the educational act of the children I educate. (…)
And now about gifts. Yes, no one is waiting for gifts, at least the young generation will not be waiting for anything from March 1, 8. But if you DO want to get the educators something, get them a flower, a paper top, a classroom printer, a coffee, games they use in the classroom. Stop taking paintings with moss, paintings with “the best teacher”, mugs with pictures of children, bracelets, earrings, perfumes, cosmetics whose tastes you don’t know. I would honestly prefer a bouquet of flowers to a gold bracelet that I wouldn’t wear because it’s not my style. Stop burdening educators with gifts that are beautiful only for a moment, then dust settles on them”she wrote
The message didn’t stop there:
“We live in a rather small apartment for a family with two children, we are both teachers. We have hundreds of files collected that we need, teaching materials that accumulate over time. For us, space is something that always gives us headaches. Hand-made paintings are beautiful. But what if we received a painting every year, not to mention every holiday of the year? Where should we store them?
Again, I don’t want this post to further divide moms. I don’t agree with the gifts for teachers, I myself received many things that were not useful to me, but I had to accept them in order not to upset my parents. But, still, if you still want to please the educators somehow, get them something that really helps them in the educational act of your children, because they all benefit.
I already see many recommendations on groups of various gifts for teachers and I wanted to sound the alarm. DON’T load the educators’ houses with unnecessary things just to wash your conscience that you took something from them”.
The educator added that she hopes not to be misunderstood:
“I just wanted to convey that mothers get too agitated, ending up arguing in parenting groups about things that are not important. You better make a plan to help teachers in the educational act, and that would be their greatest satisfaction, regardless of the teaching cycle. As for the communist ladies who give, make differences between children because of some gifts, we hope to get rid of them as soon as possible.
Sincerely, a beginning educator who prefers happy children to March 8 presents. Thank you!”
It’s impossible, we still have to take them
Discussions on the topic of March 8 gifts were also on the Reddit platform. The refusal of some female teachers to receive gifts on March 1 or 8 scandalized parents from several schools in the country.
“The teachers have asked us not to take anything to them since March 8, saying that it is forbidden and that they will not accept it. A few parents in the morning in the hallway of the kindergarten: it is not possible, we still have to get them something, at least a voucher“, says a netizen.
The case is not an isolated one. The same is true of older students: “At the high school, the director asked the parents in the meeting not to bring gifts on March 1/8, and a semi-argument broke out because they had no way not to bring something, as they see others from other classes and “what will the world say”… some are sick with gifts/attentions”.
Between tradition and investment
“The reflex persists that institutional relations must be “sweetened” through material gestures” – George Colang, university lecturer
George Colang, university lecturer and author of several books in fields such as ethics and philosophy, believes that the tradition of gifts that can exceed thousands of lei “shows, above all, a mixture of genuine politeness and a clientelistic cultural reflex”.
“The flower itself is a natural symbolic gesture, a form of gratitude for the teacher’s role. The problem arises when the gesture goes beyond the symbol and becomes a collective organization for expensive gifts. At that point, the pedagogical relationship begins to be contaminated by the logic of exchange.
Education should operate in the register of intellectual and moral formation, not in the register of material reciprocity. When the gift becomes important, there is the risk of transforming the teacher from intellectual authority to the recipient of an investment-like attention. From a cultural point of view, the phenomenon says something about Romanian society: the reflex persists that institutional relations must be “sweetened” through material gestures”. explains George Colang.
“Institutions have not always been perceived as strong enough or impartial. In this context, people try to personalize the relationship” – George Colang, University Lecturer
The difference from other states “it depends, first of all, on the institutional culture. In many Western societies there is a very strict separation between personal relationship and institutional relationship. As such, the teacher is perceived as part of a public institution that operates according to clear rules, and any gift that goes beyond a symbolic gesture can be interpreted as a form of influence or conflict of interest. For this reason, many schools have explicit rules that prohibit or limit such gifts.”
How it is done in other countries
Gifts as a sign of appreciation are not prohibited, but in most Western education systems there are clear limits and a culture of token gifts.
In the United States, many schools have clear limits on the value of gifts that teachers can receive, sometimes as little as $25. In some districts, teachers are encouraged to refuse expensive gifts to avoid any appearance of favoritism.
And in Germany in many states teachers can only accept symbolic gifts, usually worth around 10-20 euros or even less.
In the UK, gifts are generally symbolic: a card, a box of chocolates or a small object given at the end of the year. In many cases, the emphasis falls more on the thank you messages than on the object itself. Also, in France the culture of gifts is very discreet. Students sometimes offer flowers and chocolates. Large sums of money or lavish gifts are considered inappropriate for the teacher-student relationship.
Large sums of money are more specific to countries in South-Eastern Europe, but also to some in Asia. In China, the authorities have even led a campaign against gifts for teachers, after a few years ago they were also receiving designer bags or… lottery tickets.
