When we talk about relationships, people often mistakenly believe that the love they give is enough to benefit from a happy and fulfilling relationship, but the truth is that toxic people take advantage of those who don't know how to say “notContrary to stories your love is not enough to change another person.
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Often, however, the signs of a toxic relationship can be easily identified from the beginning, but we choose to ignore them in the name of love, constantly finding excuses for details that bother us or toxic behaviors.
The most seriously affected in situations of this kind are the people who come to accept abuse of any type, including physical, recognizing their belonging to a dysfunctional or toxic relationship.
Unfortunately, the types of abuse are multiple, starting with the emotional one (criticism, insults, disregard, manipulation, etc.), followed by the psychological and finally the physical, methods that leave deep traces both in the souls of the victims and in the psyche and body them.
Some of the most common details of unhealthy behaviors are the abuser's ignoring, the suffocation of the victim by the insistence of belonging, the progressive absence of the aggressor from the emotional involvement of the relationship, the unpredictable behavior of the aggressor is also one of the important details that need to be taken into account .
in toxic relationships the needs of the aggressor are identified as the most important, and often the only ones that matter, the victim being forced to survive in his shadow.
It was also identified, in defective relationships, competition as one of the most important methods for the abuser, the tool that helps him to manipulate the partner by dismantling and undermining him on several levels. The toxic person is constantly looking for a gain, so by any means they will ensure their success, no matter how hurt the victim is.
The need to impress and constantly find themselves in the center of attention leads the abuser to apply drastic measures, from manipulation to physical abuse, in order to feel victorious.
Living with such a person is an ordeal and most of the time, victims are left with deep scars in soul, body and mind after such a relationship, depending on the severity of the abuse and the duration of the relationship.
Specialists advise us to find ways out, as quickly as possible, from such situations, although it can be extremely painful. Often the victim chooses to “save his relationship”, making major efforts to fulfill and satisfy the needs of the aggressor, out of the desire to avoid experiencing the pain of separation from the abuser.
Breaking up with a toxic partner drains you of energy, consumes you both mentally and physically, and devastates you emotionally, experts warn. The toxic partner shows no empathy for your need and suffering.
The most indicated is that once you have made the decision to get out of toxicity, it is extremely important to maintain your decision no matter how difficult it may seem to you and no matter how strongly we feel the pain, the lack of a partner or the mixture of feelings press .
The toxic partner seeks benefits, starting from those related to status, image and financial, to benefits of an emotional nature because he always seeks to be the most important or to be superior even to one person and if for that he has to to knock down the partner will do it.
It is necessary to be firm in your decision, otherwise, there are high chances that you will be drawn back by the abuser into the same type of toxic relationship. The abuser will not change because he is “scared” of losing the victim, but will only play various roles through which he can be manipulated.
A toxic partner, for example, will try to take advantage of the victim's emotional state by alternating hot and cold, through compliments or gifts, versus complaints or gestures that induce feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.
The toxic partner does not take responsibility for their actions, brings moments of drama, instability and chaos into the relationship only to then place the blame on the couple's shoulders using various often made-up reasons.
The desires of the toxic partner constantly increase or change unpredictably and if they are unfulfilled the consequences are different forms of punishment, methods of control over the other.
If you become uncomfortable being yourself in a relationship, you feel like you have to constantly be careful not to do anything that might disturb you, you put more and more effort into less and less gratitude, and you feel like you're walking on eggshells in around your partner, is a clear signal that your relationship is toxic.
Also, in many cases the abuser will resort to the role of the victim, playing it so well precisely to get the victim to return to the dysfunctional relationship or to influence the people around them. It's just a trap, abusers don't change, it's necessary to stay firm on the decision made and pay close attention to details.
Learn to detach yourself emotionally, use reason, don't let your actions be guided by what you would like the relationship to be and how you would like it to go, but by what is and how things have been going so far.
The one who chose to leave the relationship, for better protection and safety, both emotional and physical, will need to make some lifestyle changes. Specialists indicate several important steps necessary for a new beginning of life after a toxic relationship:
- It is advisable to remove everything that means “memories” from his present: photos, gifts, things that could bring the abuser or the relationship in a favorable perspective
- Changing email addresses, phone numbers, house keys, sometimes even the address where he lived.
- Self-work, remembering the reasons why he chose to leave that relationship, putting his own safety first.
- Ask your loved ones for help
- Read, write, use your mind and logical thinking skills
- surround yourself with people who you know love you, cherish you
- Choose to watch pleasant, funny places and things
- Ask specialists for help
- Go into new social circles where you can meet people
- Find a passion and go for it, get involved in your life actively.
There will be moments of deep confusion where you will feel guilty, doubt and relive the brokenness of the relationship, let them pass and after a while you will feel better, the episodes of this time return for a long time until stabilization.
There will be hard times when the abused will miss, cry and suffer from attachment to the abuser, but these will only be moments and they will pass. It is important to constantly remember how important you are in your life, to understand that you deserve this survival and your new life.
The whole process is arduous and painful, but the gain is a life filled with moments of happiness and a state of peace for you, and that is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
