Money brings enmity into families. More precisely, 8 out of 10 Romanians say that money is the main reason for arguments in couples. Psychologists explain that in a relationship there is no “my money and your money“and that the most important thing is that the money be shared.
Money – a reason for quarrels in families in Romania – Photo Shutterstock
78% of Romanians say that money is the main reason for arguments in couples, and 60% consider that discussions about finances are delicate, according to a study carried out by Unlock Market Research at the initiative of BCR. At the same time, financial problems are also among the main reasons why people divorce.
“Quarrels arise from insufficient money, when a minimum of living cannot be ensured. Considering that there is little money in the family, everyone advocates for their priorities, for what is most important. We also have couples where one partner supports the family budget and the other refuses to contribute. And this is where arguments can arise. Arguments about money are perpetuated, they are the same grievances and will remain the same, because arguments do not solve the problem. But an honest discussion in which to find a convenient solution for both partners”explains psychologist Keren Rosner.
Rules and budget planning are crucial to avoid scandal. At the same time, it is also important to establish priorities for each of the partners.
“Ground rules related to communication, which we establish together and each of us stick to, are essential to avoid arguments. Rules prevent chaos“, also mentions the psychologist Mariana Mihalache.
Teamwork is also important: “Let's have a financial perspective, the financial projection improves the situation. We should think about how we see ourselves as partners, as a couple, financially in the future. Projection brings planning. We could make a family financial reserve fund, to have something stable. Responsibility is another important aspect, to spend responsibly, and this is more about the psychological side than the financial one“, she says.
My money and your money become our money
There is no recipe for success when it comes to money management, so partners can opt for separate accounts, a joint account, or a combination of the two. While a joint account makes budgeting easier, it can also be a source of contention if the two partners' spending habits don't match, and separate accounts require more planning to save, even if they help avoid arguments.
“In a relationship there is no such thing as my money and your money. It is essential that the money is pooled. Each of the two must have the correct knowledge about the other's money. This means trust or couple. Honesty regarding the budget of each of us is very important“, says psychologist Mariana Mihalache.
But that doesn't mean we can't satisfy our personal needs or give our partner little surprises.
“The most effective variant that psychologists have found is that of a common budget. It is a pooled amount, regardless of how much the partners earn, it is adjusted according to the one who earns less, from here household expenses are paid. And then, everyone should contribute equally. It is important that at least one amount becomes common for the necessities of daily livingKeren Rosner added.
The emergency fund – the safety net
According to the research, 66% of couples believe that an emergency fund is their top priority when it comes to savings. What's more, 65% of respondents say that contingency money planning is their most pressing desire.
Psychologist Mariana Mihalache believes that the reserve fund represents a safety net for many of us “because our status depends a lot on the financial side90%“, she says.
On the other hand, the emergency fund also depends on how the individual was formed, what periods he went through.
“For some, it is a margin of common sense, for certain contingencies. But there are individuals who have gone through some situations that lead them to consider any amount they save insufficient, because they live with the fear of poverty. For others, this budget has a positive side, it is also a need to be independent, free. It was formed as a result of changes in society and in the professional area. Many young people have noticed that they can stay for a while without the possibility of earning money, and then they allocate an emergency amount for the periods between employments or for some courses to help them develop professionally. It is a pragmatic decision, generated by life experiences“, stated Keren Rosner.
Are arguments about money about something else?
Many times, yes, psychologists say. Quarrels can have another substrate, pretexting the financial situation of the couple. To stay “can take the trash under the mat“, says psychologist Mariana Mihalache.
“In many situations, yes, because maybe I want to reproach you for something, I don't agree with some things and I don't have the courage to speak or maybe I don't have the words at my disposal and then it's handy to reproach you with things related to the budget the family. This can also be a cry, because the financial topic is a superficial one. And then we would need the help of a counselorif we were aware of it“, this clarifies.
Moreover, they can degenerate, “becoming a form of punishment“says psychologist Keren Rosner
“That is, he is angry for other reasons and no longer offers money for the necessary things, this is a form of aggression and a kind of punishment applied to the partner or even the whole family. It means that there is something dysfunctional in this relationship that has perpetuated itself over time and needs to be resolved with the help of therapy“, she explained.
