Some people are afraid of happiness the way others are afraid of heights, because their minds have learned throughout their lives that happy moments are often followed by loss, criticism, or shame. A recently published review by Collins and Coster (2025), which pooled data from 26 studies with over 6,600 participants, shows that “fear of happiness” is associated with higher levels of depression, anxiety and anhedonia.
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Other research, led by Joshanloo (2022), indicates that the predisposition to this fear has its roots in childhood, in perfectionism, loneliness and collectivist or supernatural beliefs, such as the idea of ”karma” or the fear of defying fate. In a culture where it is still said “after laughter comes crying”, happiness is sometimes perceived as a challenge to fate.
“As in other types of phobias, the individual who fears happiness avoids the stimuli that cause him fear, in this case being well-being. He has learned that he cannot remain in a state of tranquility, because at any time something can happen from the external environment that can cause him distress. Thus, he defends himself by avoiding feeling positive emotions, associating them as threatening, because often when he felt them, “something bad happened immediately or at shortly after”. Therefore, the predominant locus of control becomes external, that is, he begins to believe that he has no control over the things that happen in his environment”declares Andra Marina Ionescu, clinical psychologist, for “Adevărul”.
Feeling very little autonomy, she continues, he attributes his well-being to any other being, entity or situation, finding it difficult to take responsibility for his own state of mind. “This kind of thinking is usually created in childhood, in a fickle and insecure environment, where the person feels unprotected and powerless, and in the long term these feelings can lead to emotional management difficulties, such as depression, i.e. staying in the past, or anxiety, representing the fear of the future”, adds Andra Marina Ionescu.
“Don’t laugh too hard or you’ll cry”
For her part, Ileana Ungureanu, clinical psychologist and integrative psychotherapist, says that “fear of happiness” or cherophobia, as it is called in the specialized literature – is not a metaphor, but a documented psychological reality. For example, she says, psychologist Paul Gilbert, founder of Compassion Focused Therapy, explains that the human mind can reject positive emotions when, in the past, they were followed by pain, criticism or rejection. More precisely, if in childhood you were told “don’t laugh too hard, you’ll cry” or if your joy was met with jealousy or shame, your brain has learned that happiness is risky, a step that can open the way to something painful or off balance, he says.
“This reaction does not appear out of the blue. In many cultures, including ours, there is a subtle fear of showing joy too openly. A study by Joshanloo and Weijers (2014), published in the Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, shows that in many cultures happiness is perceived as a ‘dangerous’ state – not because it is bad in itself, but because expressing it can be interpreted as arrogance, defiance of fate or lack of modesty.” In societies that emphasize balance and belonging, people come to believe it’s safer to temper their joy. Over time, this self-censorship becomes a reflex: we avoid living the beautiful moments fully, so as not to lose them. This is how we end up, without realizing it, censoring our spontaneity, not enjoying ourselves too much “so something doesn’t go wrong””is the opinion of Ileana Ungureanu.
“Perfectionism deepens the fear of happiness”
At the individual level, the specialist adds, perfectionism also deepens the fear of happiness. “Those who tie their worth to performance or control end up living in constant alertness. When they feel good, there is a fear that something bad is coming. When they feel tense, paradoxically, they are more comfortable – it is the familiar terrain of effort and self-criticism. Thus, happiness becomes suspect, and relaxation becomes weakness.”she says.
In essence, the fear of happiness is the fear of vulnerability, that is, the fear of giving up control and letting yourself be carried away by life as it is, without guarantees. “Freedom begins when we allow ourselves to feel, without conditions. Joy doesn’t have to be justified, demonstrated, or saved for just the ‘perfect’ moments.” You can start simple: notice a small moment that makes you smile and don’t minimize it. Stay there for a few seconds, breathe and let your body get used to the feeling of good. Over time, the body and mind learn that goodness is not a trap, but a natural state. True healing comes when you understand that happiness doesn’t make you weak, it makes you alive.” recommends Ileana Ungureanu.
“Joy exposes us”
“Happiness, in its authentic form, is a state of openness that requires us to relinquish, if only for a moment, the control with which we usually try to keep life within safe boundaries.” also considers Andreea Chirilă, psychologist & psychotherapist. For many of us, it is precisely this openness that scares us. “Behind the fear of happiness hides, in fact, the fear of vulnerability because joy exposes us. It shows us alive, free, full of emotion and eager to live. And if life has ever brought loss or betrayal, the mind learns that it is safer to remain in control than to be touched by intense emotion.”she adds.
In his opinion, there is a silent fear, deeply inscribed in our body and emotional memory, well translated by popular sayings like “afterUm
laughter comes crying” which are passed down from generation to generation. “Those who grew up in families where joy was suspect know very well what I mean. If you laugh too hard, you are told not to ‘provoke’ fate. If you brag about something, you are accused of arrogance. If you dare to dream, you are reminded not to “rejoice too soon.” Through such life situations, a subtle connection is formed over time between joy and loss, between openness and danger. An inner map of life is formed from these subconscious emotional associations. The child learns that it is safer not to enjoy too much and may develop different forms of protection, one of which is the cloak of perfectionism – if I do everything flawlessly, if I don’t make mistakes, maybe I won’t attract suffering“, explains Andreea Chirilă.
But perfectionism doesn’t protect against suffering, she adds. “He is not about getting things right; it is essentially about the fear of being vulnerable or insufficient. For the perfectionist, happiness is not a state of grace, but a reward to be earned through superhuman effort and total control. Like a fragile trophy that, once obtained, must be guarded at the cost of constant anxiety”, supports the specialist.
“Don’t waste your luck now, you’ll pay later.”
“Sometimes we don’t allow ourselves to be happy out of loyalty to the suffering of those before us, as if if we were to rejoice we would be betraying the history of their pain. Moreover, beliefs about karma or divine punishment can act as silent guardians: ‘Don’t waste your luck now, you’ll pay later.’ Happiness thus becomes a threat to our belonging. To fit into the norm of ‘accepted suffering’ or “modesty”, some people end up locking their pleasant emotions in glass bells, as inaccessible and irrelevant as the trinkets in the shop window”, say this
How can we regain the courage to be happy? The recommendations of the psychologist Andreea Chirilă
- Anchoring in the Present: The fear of happiness is always a fear projected into the future, related to what will happen after. Practicing mindfulnessand returning to our senses helps us to say: “Just live the joy of now. Don’t write off the present for a hypothetical future.”
- Rescheduling Associations: In therapy, for example, we work on re-writing the inner script. The child in us must learn that happiness is NOT a necessary precursor to pain. We can be happy and we can deal with problems when they arise.
- Self-compassion:
Allowing ourselves to be happy does not negate human suffering. On the contrary, a heart trained in joy is much more resilient and better able to handle life’s inherent crises. Happiness doesn’t make us immune to problems, it gives us the inner resource to get through them.
What people think on reddit
Psychologists say that the fear of happiness is actually a form of learned self-protection: an emotional imprint from childhood that convinces us that joy is dangerous. In therapy, the healing process involves relearning to trust positive states, acknowledging them without shame, and training the body to stop associating them with danger.
On forums like Reddit, however, the fear of happiness takes concrete forms. A user writes: “When I’ve been happy in the past, I’ve let my guard down and been hit out of the blue by something negative. It’s not fear, but it’s a signal that something bad is coming.” Another notes that it’s “a form of inward-directed hyper-vigilance.” And someone else admits that: “Constant false promises in childhood. That’s how I learned that joy is always followed by disappointment.”
In an ocean of testimonies, the same conclusion that psychotherapists formulate is emerging: that happiness is not a trap, but a necessary risk of life lived fully. As another commenter writes: “I realized that when I fear the next shot, I suffer twice. So I prefer to enjoy it while it lasts. 95% of the time, things really are okay.”
