While looks may count for first impressions, it may actually be what's inside that counts, reports BBC Future, pointing out that good looks and sensuality rank in the middle in surveys of people's preferred characteristics.
Couple. PHOTO Shutterstock
Moreover, material success is among the least important attractive qualities, according to surveys. Men and women want intelligent, extroverted, likable people as partners, with these traits consistently scoring higher than physical attractiveness.
Personality, more important than physical appearance
According to Jess Alderson, co-founder of dating app So Syncd, which asks users to complete a psychometric test, personality is more important than physical appearance. In a sample of more than 1,000 users made available to BBC Future, almost 90% preferred personality over physical appearance.
Measuring someone's personality can be difficult, however. However, psychometric tests, although imperfect, can show the similarities and differences between people and can outline a general picture of people's personality.
Agreeableness, which is an indicator of a person's interpersonal skills (or how caring and compassionate they are), plays an important role for both sexes in the initial assessment of a person's desire and is the strongest predictor of current and future satisfaction of relationship and the only significant predictor of relationship dissolution.
Whether we're talking about men or women, physical attractiveness must be coupled with agreeableness to predict desire for a serious relationship.
Being a nice person is “indispensable for harmonious long-term relationships”, says Greg Webster, professor of psychology at the University of Florida, USA. adding that entering into a relationship with someone we find unsympathetic would be problematic.
Do we get along better with those who have similar personalities or with those who have different personalities?
Our perception of our own personality and that of others is shaped by our frame of reference, says Webster. Agreeable people, for example, tend to see other people as kind and friendly, and vice versa, and we are attracted to people who share similar values to us. Thus, we might match with people who have very similar personalities to ours.
But some personality differences could also be attractive. For example, we prefer to be part of teams whose extraversion levels are opposite to ours, which might bring out different qualities in us.
“I would have a reservation in saying that any type of personality pairing can work, and there are certainly advantages and challenges to each. If you are too similar, it can be a bit boring. And then, if you're too different, it might not be as much fun every day” says Alderson.
When dominance is attractive
In relationships, agreeableness, along with other attractive traits, can bring out the best in people, says Webster. In a study she co-authored with social psychologists Angela Bryan and Amanda Mahaffey, Webster looked at socially, physically and financially dominant people and the effect that agreeableness had on their attractiveness.
All three of these types of dominance are attractive, the researchers say, because each provides some kind of protection or access to basic needs like food and shelter to more desirable needs like lavish lifestyles. But, dominance can be used for good and bad.
“We can think of dominance as being directed inward, toward a relationship, or as dominance being directed outward, away from the relationship. What people want are partners who are socially, physically or financially dominant, but not necessarily over their partner.”says Webster, quoted by BBC Future.
According to him, dominance mediated by agreeableness is an attractive combination, he adds.
When it comes to finding the right match, says Webster, agreeableness accentuates the benefits of other parts of our personality. After all, it might actually pay to be kind.
