Sometimes, not to solve a quarrel immediately and sleep upset can be healthier for the relationship than forcing reconciliation. Here’s what psychologists say about this habit and how you can use it to your advantage.
Why is sometimes better to sleep angry on your photo partner: Archive
For many couples, the idea of not going to sleep without extinguishing a conflict seems urgent and mandatory. “Some customers I work with grew up in families where the quarrels were continuous and did not go through their minds to put everything aside and go to bed“Explains Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, a clinical psychologist from Maryland and the book of the book 52 emails to transform your marriage.
This trend is also reinforced by the popular saying “Never go to bed angry“, Which comes from the belief that the unresolved anger overnight can grow and transform resentments into something deeper, says Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinician psychologist in New York City.
“The wisdom of this saying is likely that dispute resolution is essential To maintain harmony and prevent higher emotional distance“Says Romanoff, according to CNN.”It is an urge to connect and prioritize the relationship in the face of negativity. ”
When can it be good to postpone the resolution of quarrels
“The rigidity of this rule can ignore the needs of rest and perspective ”warns Romanoff.
When you are tired, you have less emotional control and you can say regrettable things, says Whiten. Sleep “Reduces brain reactivity to negative stimuli and restores the ability to approach rational problems ”adds Romanoff.
Often, the problems fade the next day, and communication becomes clearer and calm.
What do you do if you can’t sleep because of the upset
If you struggle to fall asleep, you may suffer from “panic of attachment” – Fear that your partner does not love you or is not there for you, says Whiten.”It is a strong evolutionary motivation to seek safety in the relationship. ”
However, tense discussions when you are tired can aggravate anxiety. Therefore, experts recommend that you postpone the discussion until you are both calm.
Bedtime rituals that save the relationship
Tell you “I love you“, Hug or kiss before sleep, recommend Romanoff. These gestures strengthen the connection, even if you are upset.
“If you say “I cannot learn new ways to interact”, the chances of frequent conflicts increase “warns Romanoff.
Calming techniques
To calm yourself, try meditation, journal or breathing exercises, says Whiten. “How can I take care of a caring parent with a angry child?”
Romanoff concludes: “Treat conflicts as approximation opportunities, not removal. It is about growth and progress together, even in difficult times.“
